Marry-Go-Round-5 : Dreams

We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go to horror movies. Dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about.

Like me, I always thought weddings were fun, with some music, lovely food, good friends, everyone making merry, dancing, and laughing. Well, what I did not consider was the extent of calamity involved! Make-up, pujas, crazy aunts, even crazier grandmothers, friends hovering around to make you beautiful, high heels, back ache, loss of appetite, stupid arguments, clash of cultures… phew! The list is endless! It takes you a week to recover from a two hour ceremony and a 5 hour reception. 

The real fun kicks in post the wedding. Adjusting to being the new person in the house. Being the only coffee drinker in the family. Learning to pick up your own coffee cup. Pressing your own clothes. Not screaming at anyone because you cannot find your own hairpins. Giving up the TV remote (forever). Sharing your bed. Coordinating loo timings. Keeping everything in your room spic and span (yourself!). Not throwing tantrums whenever you feel like. Being in a good mood all the time because 5 other people will be worried if you are grumpy. Most of all missing everyone and everything at home like hell. Getting confused about which house to call your home.        

But, there is always the bright side. 

Married life is good especially if you wake up and are asked ‘You want to sleep for some more time?’ Snuggle and go back to sleep. Discovering that hugs are romantic. Extremely romantic. Feeling proud because for once in your life you served tea to someone else. Learning to cook. So many more people to talk to. Speaking broken Tamil and being the laughing stock of the house. Impromptu dance sessions. Sitting on the terrace with Boxer on those quite evenings. A mother-in-law who forces my father-in-law to pluck fresh Khus-Khus from the tree every morning because I love them. A sister-in-law who is this constantly chattering lil’ sister I never had. And a Grandmother-in-law who is always on a mission to feed me with everything she finds!

Married life is good. Very good. How often does someone get to wake up with a person you love so much. Someone you love in a really, really big “pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the best piece of chocolate cake, sit with you the whole time when you are sick, forget everything when you smile, wake up early in the morning just to make you tea” kind of way. 

P.S: Dreams. They all come true. In some weird twist of fate. They all come true.

Marry-Go-Round-4 : The welled up eyes

“Marriage can give one the deepest, happiest moments of life. And that's one of the reasons God created it. It was part of God's "Happiness Plan."

Marriage is the “Happiness Plan”, the WEDDING is the last blow at your sanity! 

K’s household reminds me of a quake and tsunami battered Japan home. Stuff strewn around, people you barely know walking around in all splendor. A fat aunt who can think of nothing but how she can look even more pretty (by borrowing all of K’s sparse cosmetics) A grandmother who thinks her only job is to peck at K’s bones with all the “do not wear shorts in the house, you are getting married, why do you go to the parlor when the haldi you’ve put is enough, do you speak to your fiancé? Don’t! Why do you laugh so much? Do not show your teeth while you smile. Don’t wax, hair is necessary to look innocent (yuck). Why do you diet, fat around the waist is necessary for a girl (no wonder my granddad took the jolly ride early)” Bah! Crazy. If you find an old lady choked to death with leftover face wash and scrub, you know whom to blame. 

K’s life has never been so upside down! So much to shop, so much to buy, so much to do, so many fights to finish, so many arguments to calm, it’s almost like the day is never enough. In this entire melee, I never got to contemplate the gnawing numbing feeling spreading all over. Everyone one asks me “How’s the wedding preparation going?” and I can think of a list of undone stuff at the back of my head! Some people ask me “Your big day is approaching, how are you feeling? Ready for marriage?” and I end up mumbling something like “The feeling has not sunk in yet”. 

The fact is I had my first “sleepless night”, the feeling is sinking in alright, sinking in like it’ll take me with it... No one is noticing anyone’s feelings anymore; it is like a big fat Mela. It is 2 days to go, 2 days for me to shift into a whole new world. Everyone knows it and expresses it so differently. My dad tucks me in for a minute longer every night now just because he cannot do it 2 days later. My brother and me have longer conversations before we fall asleep, my mom yells a little more because she never has and never will be able to express herself to me. I cuddle and play with Chocó little more because she won’t be wagging her tail and waiting for me to come home from work every evening anymore. I now notice the color of my pillow (it has always been blue with yellow sunflowers) somehow I hadn’t noticed it before. I pull up the blanket and snuggle up a minute more just because I will miss the familiar smell of the blanket. Though I am moving just 5 mins from home, I am still moving from “home”. 

I won’t be looking up at the balcony and waving “bye” like a crazy woman, a zillion times before I start my bike and ride off to work every morning. My dad will not be able to ask me if I want coffee a zillion times every single morning (I stopped drinking coffee almost a year ago). I won’t hear the familiar “kav, kaaaaaaaaaaaaav” for every tiny doubt that pops in my brother’s head. 

Of all the people screaming and yelling and annoying me now, the calmest of them all is Dad, hurting inside to let me go yet doing everything he can, to ensure I have the best wedding and marry me off to someone I love.

So Daddy, here is my attempt at letting you know why you matter as much as you do. It is simple, really. Despite my annoyed cries telling you that I am now a grown up and can take decisions on my own, despite my repeated hanging up of calls saying you don’t need to tell me what to do, despite the fact I refuse to answer with a simple yes when you ask me if I’ve had lunch every single day, fact is, I have no clue what I would do without you. 

Accept it Dad, I need attention. All of it, from everybody. So if I get hurt, and I cry, it will be more so that those who matter come over to console me, than for the actual pain. The attention will not reduce the pain, but it definitely feels good to be in the spotlight. You happen to be the one patient soul, who knows this fact for the past 24 years, and still refuses to ignore it. My need for attention that is. Why exactly do you think that I spend hours abusing the crap out of all those who annoy me, knowing very well, that you probably don’t even know who they are? Because I know, that you will get bugged with them too. Probably more than I am. 

You are also my jhola for putting away my worries. It sounds duh I know, but all those times I call just to ask if things will be ok? Well, it’s not that I need reassurance, it’s some baseless belief I always had, that if I parked the worry with you, it will fix itself. Actually, it is not baseless, it is totally based on historical evidence. Which proves itself right time and again. And so you remain my official worry-resolver even today.

I know I am not always the best daughter. Oh come on, I am always the bad daughter. I call you and scream when I am bugged with the work people, I don’t respond to all your calls asking me if I am fine, I cry and blame you for all that you wife does to me! But you always listen. And when I hang up, you always call back. I think it is the belief that you will do all of these that makes me take these liberties. Not that it is an excuse, but still. 

That being said, I really think you’re awesome. You ensured that I had an awesome childhood. I can’t think of one single time where I thought I did not have enough. You supported me through each and every decision I ever took, sometimes even the bad ones, and then convinced me that it was not my fault after all. You are always there when I need you, and now very calmly, you are letting me go, as if it were the most natural thing to do. 

Of everything I will ever miss after marriage, you will be the biggest. Because irrespective of what happens you will still be my superman and I will always be your “lil’ girl”

P.S: The Gowda house is mad (the Mudhaliyars house seems like such a fairy land in comparison) and yet, I will miss this crazy mad house in all its charm and glory. 

P.P.S: I love the Gowdas. Yes, I accept it, I do. They are insane, irrational, stewpid, mad and crazy but they are mine.

Marry-Go-Round-3, Meet the parents!

K was in hibernation for the longest time. You thought I would come back with a whole lot of proceedings at the Gowda household? Ha, you get more than you asked for. Grab a popcorn, switch off your TV and read on.

So, the Gowdas (K’s parents) and Mudaliyars (Boxers parents) actually met! They saw eye to eye first time at Boxer’s house warming ceremony. Picture this, K convinces her parents to finally attend Boxer’s house warming ceremony (which was a day after they agreed for the wedding). The Gowdas are a little skeptical to go ahead and meet the Mudaliyars on their home turf. K (being as awesome as she is) convinces them to come with her. Thus, MOB and FOB get ready to go to the house warming ceremony along with beautiful looking K (smiles).

As soon as K and her parents alight from the car, Boxer comes at shooting speed and greets the In laws, and how? By falling at their feet! (Ha ha ha ha ha ha) so, the G’s and M’s meet. They are cordial, a lil uncomfortable, a lil hesitant, but most importantly “they meet”. Soon after, a meeting is fixed for the weekend at K’s house for a proper rendezvous between the Gs and the Ms.

It is Sunday morning and there is frenzy in Ks house! Every nook and corner is cleaned, house is spic and span. MOB has cooked a royal meal. FOB is walking around in tension, BOB is least bothered (as usual) and K has been decked up in a saree (the worst is yet to come) and some jewellery. The M’s arrive! So the elders talk and come to the conclusion that Boxer and K should get married since they look so happy with each other (awwwww….) whole hearted consent from both ends (along with some dramatic heart rendering speeches from both parties). The day ends with K and Boxer being the happiest couple on the planet!

Now that you have heard the preview, let’s get to the real deal. Here’s the (crazy fast forward) activity log:

The wedding preparation begins to gather momentum, how you may ask.

Dec 9 Thur: K’s parents agree.

Dec 10 Fri: G’s and M’s meet and exchange pleasantries.

Dec 12 Sun: G’s and M’s bond like long lost and reunited families in the Kumbh Mela. The “engagement” happens.

Dec 13 Mon: We meet the poojari to fix wedding dates.

Dec 14 Tue: Poojari gives 2 dates to choose from. April 23-24, May 21-22.

Dec 15 Wed: K roots for April, Boxer wants May. (K’s wish is granted finally)

Dec 16 Thur: The entire Khandaan searches for Marriage halls in the city, vacant for those 2 days. By evening a venue is booked.

Dec 17 Fri: Venue advance is paid.

Dec 19 Sun: K’s relatives (a few handpicked ones out of the crazy circus) are invited home to meet the M’s. (utterly boring Sunday)

Dec 20-25: Flower decorators, dhol people are booked.

Dec 26 Sun: G’s invite M’s meet again for breakfast. Why? Avain.

Dec 27-29: Frenzy planning by MOB for a “family” (G’s & Ms) trip!

Dec 30-Jan 03: K and Boxer run for their life, to breathe easy and actually celebrate in Goa!

Jan 04 Tue: M’s at home, to discuss the menu for the wedding.

Jan 05-07: Family Trip decided. Jan 9^th the fateful day.

Jan 08 Sat: Cook is booked!

Jan 09-Jan10: Family road trip (to some temple, apparently to ward of the evil eye)

Jan 11-22: G’s household: Budgets lists, plans made (to spoil the remaining of all my meager weekends (yes I work on Saturdays)) more trips awaiting (this time to kanchipuram, to get a million sarees!)

M’s household: busy shifting to the new house.

Jan 23 Sun: The family meets at M’s place for breakfast. Why? Because apparently G’s were missing the M’s and vice versa.

PHEW! Now you know why I titled the Blog stories “Marry-Go-Round”. It’s just one dizzy round after the other!

It’s crazy; my life is on fast forward mode. Parents are going nuts all the time. I hear nothing but wedding talks left, right, center. Me and Boxer haven’t spent a single Sunday together without any “marriage related” or “house related” chore to do. Every conversation begins and ends with “What did your parents say about this? What did your parents say about that?” No time for the cozy walks or the lovey dovey talks. The “I love you’s” are reduced to quick “love u’s”. Parents wanting to be peacemakers of every argument and every conversation between us. Regular exchange of dabbas with Gowda or Mudaliyars food between the families. With the arc lights on MOB, FOB, FOG and MOG now, K and Boxer are reduced to being mute spectators.

Its madness, sheer madness (you will know if you have spoken to K lately, she will chew your brain off!). And yet, in all this madness, there is so much happiness. So much happiness that words fail to describe. As Boxer says “It’s like, our families are falling in love now….” (smiles)

P.S: Wedding is 3 months from now (89 days) and many more rounds on the “marry-go-round” to go!

“Marry”- Go-Round -2, The one with all the happiness!

K is back!! After a 2 week hiatus and a whole lot of developments she’s back with a whole lot of news.

Ok getting to the story,

FOB convinces FOBF to convince K (it’s a vicious convincing cycle), K who never gets hassled by all these bacchhu threats gets shook up by one line FOBF tells her “MOB has told, Get any GG, making K agree is my responsibility”. (If you know MOB well, you should be shuddering now) K is in office when this happens and she rides back home like a crazy woman in an intent to bare all to MOB (which is a huge task! Given that MOB is super duper duper strict and not to mention a ‘potential terror’)

K reaches home, pre-occupied with thoughts about how to face MOB and actually reveal that she will and only will marry Boxer. MOB opens the door…. And voila! She is probably in the happiest mood that K has ever seen her in 24yrs! (Yes, the unrealistic movie masala unfolds) She is making Gujjias (kadabus) because K loves them. (sigh) Now how can K wipe off that once in lifetime appearing meteor-like smile on MOB’s face? K suppresses her secret and is talking all happy and gay to MOB. Now BOB (my rock) is continuously encouraging me and giving me the eyeballs to break the news to MOB. K walks into the kitchen which is filled with the aroma of hot Gujjias, she opens her mouth to start the topic, then she sees the pan of boiling oil on the stove and decides otherwise. By now FOB arrives. K is dying of heart twisting pain. The damn secret has to be told! Boxer is texting K and increasing the pressure. The Gowda family now sits down for the ritualistic dinner (where FOB watches TV, K reads newspaper, BOB texts people and MOB is lost in devious plan making) anyways, dinner is done. The secret is still not out. BOB decides K is good for nothing and decides to go to bed. K is reading the paper but does not know what she is reading. Finally the cat has to be out of the bag. The pressure is building. K will explode if she holds it in any longer. She can now hear screaming in her head (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Tell the damn thing!!!) at this point, she puts the paper down and asks MOB and FOB one straight question “So, what have you guys decided about my marriage?” (stand up and applaud people, it takes courage to do that in front of MOB) FOB and MOB have their foreheads twisted in a knot and with a look that is shooting daggers at K! (BOB has already cleared the surrounding for sharp objects which can be thrown at K) MOB is surprisingly quite, like a hungry lioness waiting to pounce at the right time. Whereas FOB acts like the Lion that is already devouring his prey! (For people who know “dad” that’s a shocker! Because I am apparently still “Daddy’s lil’ princess” on whose whims and fancies daddy’s world still runs) anyways, being a lawyer's daughter K gives a lot of credit to herself that she’s pretty darn good at arguing. But, my o my FOB turns out to be a super duper lawyer! He actually shut K’s mouth about everything even though K valiantly fought through the entire battle. K’s only comeback was “I am marrying only Boxer”. After a 3 hr long fight and retaining status-quo , the Gowda family retires to bed.

Sunday came and went. Still no sign of GG.

Oh wait a minute, this is where I sing

“Woh Gawar mera woh Gowda mera, Nahi aaya milne ko…

Cham cham cham ke meri bindiya, u dud gayi nindiya ho…”

Then, the eerily silence.

MOB stops talking to K (Expected. K is still alive, so that’s a good thing)

After a couple of days of being extra nice and over nice to her parents K decides, enough is enough and stops talking to them too. Now, FOB cannot bear to not talk to K. he thinks,thinks and thinks some more and then one final day, he calls K and tells her “Call his (Boxer) parents home” (K is tripping and fumbling and doing paltis in her mind) K goes mad with happiness! And decides to get Boxer’s parents home that Sunday! K and Boxer are overjoyed!!! No one ever expected that things would fall into place so easily! (a lil masala never hurts) but one clause, Boxer has to give his horoscope for matching! Ha ha ha! Boxer immediately finds his horoscope and gives it to K who inturn gives it to FOB. Now for the best part. The next 2 days are spent in K and Boxer googling online vedic horoscope matching websites to check compatibility!(ha ha ha ha ha ha, I am laughing so hard) Boxer who is this typical “I-Hate-Anything-To-Do-With-God-Or-Beliefs” kind of guy was actually heard telling K “Hey, try this http://www.vedicscholar.com/matchhoro.php this works well, we scored 34 on 36 (ha ha ha ha ha ha, yes, we actually did!) after all this drama and eagerly waiting for Sunday’s episode, Boxer and K went shopping for a new shirt, discussed the most decent hairstyle to look presentable (he has spikes) and decided his beauty regimen of shaving and scrubbing (I will get killed for this).

Sunday came and went. Still no sign of Boxer. (Apparently, Sunday was a bad day with no moon so he was asked not to come)

Now K sang,

“Woh pyaar mera woh Boxer mera, Nahi aaya milne ko…

Cham cham cham ke meri bindiya, u dud gayi nindiya ho…”

K started to wonder if this was all an eye wash to get K into being gullible. Tension, fear and disappointment prevailed…

And finally on this fateful day, an unsuspecting K comes home from gym to find boxes and boxes of jewellery lying on the bed and MOB hovering around it contemplating. K enters the room and asks what’s going on, FOB tells, choose what jewellery you want for your wedding. We have agreed to get you married to Boxer!!! (Now you can stand up and applaud) MOB has a-g-r-e-e-d!! She finally has!! And this Sunday Boxer’s parents are coming home. I hope I don’t have to sing again…!

K cannot write because of all the happy tears fogging her eyes right now. Yes, she is happy. VERY happy. As happy as she could be for the first time in 24yrs!

Anyways, If you are thinking, the masala and tadka was missing in K’s and Boxer’s story, well, you dunno what conspired for 12 years, do you? There was enough masala to make you laugh and cry for a really long time.

P.S: It’s true when people say:

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”

“Marry”- Go-Round -1, The one with the open secret.

I happened to read somewhere,

Marriage can give one the deepest, happiest moments of life. And that's one of the reasons God created it. It was part of God's "Happiness Plan."

 

Oh, Really? “Happiness Plan”? Are you kidding me? You have to be here to know the actually nauseous pain and suffering caused by Love, marriage and the whole baggage that comes with it.

Now that I’ve blurted out my gyan, let me give you some deep insights into my “love-life” (grinning are you? Wait till I get to the good part)

Anyone who knows me, will also know I am committed to Boxer from as-long-as-I-can-remember. And not to add, anyone, I emphasize “a-n-y-o-n-e” who knows me, also knows Boxer and his dil-se-dil-ka connection with me. His family (including his dog I gifted), School teachers, schoolmates, my neighbors, his neighbors, sabziwala’s near my house, college bus driver, my college principle, lecturers, college mates, all my relatives, all his relatives (ok, hope you are getting the point here, every soul who knows me, knows Boxer) and in all this melee I never realized over 12 odd years that my parents had no idea!!  Now for the “Meet-the-parents” (Not Boxer, you guys, my so-called-readers) my parents belong to the sitting-the-fence category. They are super chilled about their daughter staying out late, enjoying, wearing what she wants, no restrictions blah blah, but when the topic of “love- marriage” is broached (imagine thunder and lightning!) they are all up in arms against it! Phew! There you go, you thought our love story was all hunky-dory!

The story until now:

Characters:

K: Me, Boxer, MOB: Mother of Bride, FOB: Father of Bride, BOB: Brother of Bride, FOG: Father of Groom, MOG: Mother of Groom, SOG: Sister of Groom, FOBF: Father of Bride’s Friend, Shwe: K’s Friend

Location: Bangalore

(*Screen goes up*)

K goes off on a gala trip for 2 yrs to do a residential MBA. Boxer is in Google-Hyderabad playing around for those 2 yrs. Now all this while, no one knows that K’s parents are jumping with joy that their super pampered daughter is actually fending for herself, turning over a new leaf and basically getting all ready for the big “Gowda” wedding! (Ha ha ha ha ha, sorry I couldn’t help laughing!) K meanwhile is waiting for Boxer to relocate to Bangalore (which he did and I am sooooooooo happy he did). Once Boxer comes back to Bangalore, K is all overjoyed. Happy times are back again. So K and Boxer are all happy living and loving in their own lil’ world. Road trips, shopping, vacations…

Do you all have smiles on your faces thinking of the happy couple?

Enter the MOB (in the voice of “Enter the dragon”)

One fateful day K leaves an IPod full of photographs at home. The very very suspicious MOB checks it and finds loads and loads of pictures of K and Boxer! The cat is out of the bag! And believe me the MOB does not like the Cat! She wants to actually squash the cat under her feet! Unsuspecting K returns home after meeting Boxer that evening (*blush*) and there it is! The 12 year developed bomb has finally been dropped!

You think K was scared and upset? No! K was amazingly happy!! The IPod did the difficult bit “Telling the parents”!! Now for the detailing, FOB takes K to the terrace to apparently talk her out of it. (Yeah dad, your 1 hr of gyan will brainwash my 12 yrs of love conditioned brain! Try me) FOB gives up the gyan bit. He then decides to take matters into his hands.

Now for the cruel planning of MOB and FOB: To marry K off to some “rich” filthy, bloody chappal-with-formal-pants wearing Gowda! (Ha ha ha ha, sorry I couldn’t help it again) FOB thinks if K happens to “meet” atleast one wannabe Gowda, she will change her mind. K thinks if FOB happens to meet Boxer atleast once, he may atleast try changing his mind.

Now, enter FOBF.

(Background: Shwe is a dear dear friend. Who’s parents are totally liberal and don’t mind her marrying anyone. The only condition being he should be a guy. That loser anyway has chosen the “arranged marriage” route. That’s a different story altogether. Now Shwe’s dad (FOBF) and K’s dad are great friends)

FOB now takes the help of FOBF to brainwash K. He coaxes FOBF to have a "personal” talk with K to talk her out of marrying Boxer.

FOBF meets K. K manages to convince FOBF about Boxer (it dint take much effort). Now FOBF tries to convince FOB about boxer. FOB is enraged! (so predictable dad!) he decides to take matters into his own hands now (the matter keeps slipping away from his hands you see) FOB has chosen some rich Gawar Gowda (let’s call him GG) to come home and see K in a week! (That will be another hilarious post!) Boxer is eagerly waiting for GG to plan to come to see me. No no, this time Boxer won’t be whacking the shit of out anyone, he wants to see K do it ;) ha ha ha!

That’s it for Marry-Go-Round-1 folks. Round 2, next week…

Till then pray K’s household retains its sanity!

P.S: MOB is the hero (anti-hero) of this story, but all this is happening behind her back. She has no idea. When she does, well… (Thunder and lightning!)

Disclaimer: My colleague who proof read this said I sound like “parent-hater” NO I AM NOT!! I love my parents, A LOT. Just that I love Boxer too. Iss ishq ka dard zara samjha karo.. papi duniya!