Marry-Go-Round-5 : Dreams

We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go to horror movies. Dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about.

Like me, I always thought weddings were fun, with some music, lovely food, good friends, everyone making merry, dancing, and laughing. Well, what I did not consider was the extent of calamity involved! Make-up, pujas, crazy aunts, even crazier grandmothers, friends hovering around to make you beautiful, high heels, back ache, loss of appetite, stupid arguments, clash of cultures… phew! The list is endless! It takes you a week to recover from a two hour ceremony and a 5 hour reception. 

The real fun kicks in post the wedding. Adjusting to being the new person in the house. Being the only coffee drinker in the family. Learning to pick up your own coffee cup. Pressing your own clothes. Not screaming at anyone because you cannot find your own hairpins. Giving up the TV remote (forever). Sharing your bed. Coordinating loo timings. Keeping everything in your room spic and span (yourself!). Not throwing tantrums whenever you feel like. Being in a good mood all the time because 5 other people will be worried if you are grumpy. Most of all missing everyone and everything at home like hell. Getting confused about which house to call your home.        

But, there is always the bright side. 

Married life is good especially if you wake up and are asked ‘You want to sleep for some more time?’ Snuggle and go back to sleep. Discovering that hugs are romantic. Extremely romantic. Feeling proud because for once in your life you served tea to someone else. Learning to cook. So many more people to talk to. Speaking broken Tamil and being the laughing stock of the house. Impromptu dance sessions. Sitting on the terrace with Boxer on those quite evenings. A mother-in-law who forces my father-in-law to pluck fresh Khus-Khus from the tree every morning because I love them. A sister-in-law who is this constantly chattering lil’ sister I never had. And a Grandmother-in-law who is always on a mission to feed me with everything she finds!

Married life is good. Very good. How often does someone get to wake up with a person you love so much. Someone you love in a really, really big “pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the best piece of chocolate cake, sit with you the whole time when you are sick, forget everything when you smile, wake up early in the morning just to make you tea” kind of way. 

P.S: Dreams. They all come true. In some weird twist of fate. They all come true.

Marry-Go-Round-4 : The welled up eyes

“Marriage can give one the deepest, happiest moments of life. And that's one of the reasons God created it. It was part of God's "Happiness Plan."

Marriage is the “Happiness Plan”, the WEDDING is the last blow at your sanity! 

K’s household reminds me of a quake and tsunami battered Japan home. Stuff strewn around, people you barely know walking around in all splendor. A fat aunt who can think of nothing but how she can look even more pretty (by borrowing all of K’s sparse cosmetics) A grandmother who thinks her only job is to peck at K’s bones with all the “do not wear shorts in the house, you are getting married, why do you go to the parlor when the haldi you’ve put is enough, do you speak to your fiancé? Don’t! Why do you laugh so much? Do not show your teeth while you smile. Don’t wax, hair is necessary to look innocent (yuck). Why do you diet, fat around the waist is necessary for a girl (no wonder my granddad took the jolly ride early)” Bah! Crazy. If you find an old lady choked to death with leftover face wash and scrub, you know whom to blame. 

K’s life has never been so upside down! So much to shop, so much to buy, so much to do, so many fights to finish, so many arguments to calm, it’s almost like the day is never enough. In this entire melee, I never got to contemplate the gnawing numbing feeling spreading all over. Everyone one asks me “How’s the wedding preparation going?” and I can think of a list of undone stuff at the back of my head! Some people ask me “Your big day is approaching, how are you feeling? Ready for marriage?” and I end up mumbling something like “The feeling has not sunk in yet”. 

The fact is I had my first “sleepless night”, the feeling is sinking in alright, sinking in like it’ll take me with it... No one is noticing anyone’s feelings anymore; it is like a big fat Mela. It is 2 days to go, 2 days for me to shift into a whole new world. Everyone knows it and expresses it so differently. My dad tucks me in for a minute longer every night now just because he cannot do it 2 days later. My brother and me have longer conversations before we fall asleep, my mom yells a little more because she never has and never will be able to express herself to me. I cuddle and play with Chocó little more because she won’t be wagging her tail and waiting for me to come home from work every evening anymore. I now notice the color of my pillow (it has always been blue with yellow sunflowers) somehow I hadn’t noticed it before. I pull up the blanket and snuggle up a minute more just because I will miss the familiar smell of the blanket. Though I am moving just 5 mins from home, I am still moving from “home”. 

I won’t be looking up at the balcony and waving “bye” like a crazy woman, a zillion times before I start my bike and ride off to work every morning. My dad will not be able to ask me if I want coffee a zillion times every single morning (I stopped drinking coffee almost a year ago). I won’t hear the familiar “kav, kaaaaaaaaaaaaav” for every tiny doubt that pops in my brother’s head. 

Of all the people screaming and yelling and annoying me now, the calmest of them all is Dad, hurting inside to let me go yet doing everything he can, to ensure I have the best wedding and marry me off to someone I love.

So Daddy, here is my attempt at letting you know why you matter as much as you do. It is simple, really. Despite my annoyed cries telling you that I am now a grown up and can take decisions on my own, despite my repeated hanging up of calls saying you don’t need to tell me what to do, despite the fact I refuse to answer with a simple yes when you ask me if I’ve had lunch every single day, fact is, I have no clue what I would do without you. 

Accept it Dad, I need attention. All of it, from everybody. So if I get hurt, and I cry, it will be more so that those who matter come over to console me, than for the actual pain. The attention will not reduce the pain, but it definitely feels good to be in the spotlight. You happen to be the one patient soul, who knows this fact for the past 24 years, and still refuses to ignore it. My need for attention that is. Why exactly do you think that I spend hours abusing the crap out of all those who annoy me, knowing very well, that you probably don’t even know who they are? Because I know, that you will get bugged with them too. Probably more than I am. 

You are also my jhola for putting away my worries. It sounds duh I know, but all those times I call just to ask if things will be ok? Well, it’s not that I need reassurance, it’s some baseless belief I always had, that if I parked the worry with you, it will fix itself. Actually, it is not baseless, it is totally based on historical evidence. Which proves itself right time and again. And so you remain my official worry-resolver even today.

I know I am not always the best daughter. Oh come on, I am always the bad daughter. I call you and scream when I am bugged with the work people, I don’t respond to all your calls asking me if I am fine, I cry and blame you for all that you wife does to me! But you always listen. And when I hang up, you always call back. I think it is the belief that you will do all of these that makes me take these liberties. Not that it is an excuse, but still. 

That being said, I really think you’re awesome. You ensured that I had an awesome childhood. I can’t think of one single time where I thought I did not have enough. You supported me through each and every decision I ever took, sometimes even the bad ones, and then convinced me that it was not my fault after all. You are always there when I need you, and now very calmly, you are letting me go, as if it were the most natural thing to do. 

Of everything I will ever miss after marriage, you will be the biggest. Because irrespective of what happens you will still be my superman and I will always be your “lil’ girl”

P.S: The Gowda house is mad (the Mudhaliyars house seems like such a fairy land in comparison) and yet, I will miss this crazy mad house in all its charm and glory. 

P.P.S: I love the Gowdas. Yes, I accept it, I do. They are insane, irrational, stewpid, mad and crazy but they are mine.

Serendipity turns ONE

A year ago, I sat in a BMTC bus, thinking about my life… Not really a favorable place for soul searching, but what do you expect, where would I go searching for the peepal tree to sit under? I had my whole life laid out in front of me that day, confused, twisted, priorities to fulfill, dreams to bring to life, a different path to take, a decision to make. So this Blog was born out of a crazily beating heart and a head dancing to wild rumba tunes. It’s been a year since that cold morning of January 24th 2010, 4.18a.m!

Glancing back at the time when I started this blog to now, hah! There’s a huge difference. I have seen the right path, attachments and detachments have been many, I have learnt to hold on and to let go, I am lighter by a few kilos!, my smiles are bigger, my love has grown and most importantly, I am happier than I have ever been in all my life!

And, SERENDIPITY is still my favorite word.

P.S: Happy Birthday Serendipity. You are pretty darn good ;)

Marry-Go-Round-3, Meet the parents!

K was in hibernation for the longest time. You thought I would come back with a whole lot of proceedings at the Gowda household? Ha, you get more than you asked for. Grab a popcorn, switch off your TV and read on.

So, the Gowdas (K’s parents) and Mudaliyars (Boxers parents) actually met! They saw eye to eye first time at Boxer’s house warming ceremony. Picture this, K convinces her parents to finally attend Boxer’s house warming ceremony (which was a day after they agreed for the wedding). The Gowdas are a little skeptical to go ahead and meet the Mudaliyars on their home turf. K (being as awesome as she is) convinces them to come with her. Thus, MOB and FOB get ready to go to the house warming ceremony along with beautiful looking K (smiles).

As soon as K and her parents alight from the car, Boxer comes at shooting speed and greets the In laws, and how? By falling at their feet! (Ha ha ha ha ha ha) so, the G’s and M’s meet. They are cordial, a lil uncomfortable, a lil hesitant, but most importantly “they meet”. Soon after, a meeting is fixed for the weekend at K’s house for a proper rendezvous between the Gs and the Ms.

It is Sunday morning and there is frenzy in Ks house! Every nook and corner is cleaned, house is spic and span. MOB has cooked a royal meal. FOB is walking around in tension, BOB is least bothered (as usual) and K has been decked up in a saree (the worst is yet to come) and some jewellery. The M’s arrive! So the elders talk and come to the conclusion that Boxer and K should get married since they look so happy with each other (awwwww….) whole hearted consent from both ends (along with some dramatic heart rendering speeches from both parties). The day ends with K and Boxer being the happiest couple on the planet!

Now that you have heard the preview, let’s get to the real deal. Here’s the (crazy fast forward) activity log:

The wedding preparation begins to gather momentum, how you may ask.

Dec 9 Thur: K’s parents agree.

Dec 10 Fri: G’s and M’s meet and exchange pleasantries.

Dec 12 Sun: G’s and M’s bond like long lost and reunited families in the Kumbh Mela. The “engagement” happens.

Dec 13 Mon: We meet the poojari to fix wedding dates.

Dec 14 Tue: Poojari gives 2 dates to choose from. April 23-24, May 21-22.

Dec 15 Wed: K roots for April, Boxer wants May. (K’s wish is granted finally)

Dec 16 Thur: The entire Khandaan searches for Marriage halls in the city, vacant for those 2 days. By evening a venue is booked.

Dec 17 Fri: Venue advance is paid.

Dec 19 Sun: K’s relatives (a few handpicked ones out of the crazy circus) are invited home to meet the M’s. (utterly boring Sunday)

Dec 20-25: Flower decorators, dhol people are booked.

Dec 26 Sun: G’s invite M’s meet again for breakfast. Why? Avain.

Dec 27-29: Frenzy planning by MOB for a “family” (G’s & Ms) trip!

Dec 30-Jan 03: K and Boxer run for their life, to breathe easy and actually celebrate in Goa!

Jan 04 Tue: M’s at home, to discuss the menu for the wedding.

Jan 05-07: Family Trip decided. Jan 9^th the fateful day.

Jan 08 Sat: Cook is booked!

Jan 09-Jan10: Family road trip (to some temple, apparently to ward of the evil eye)

Jan 11-22: G’s household: Budgets lists, plans made (to spoil the remaining of all my meager weekends (yes I work on Saturdays)) more trips awaiting (this time to kanchipuram, to get a million sarees!)

M’s household: busy shifting to the new house.

Jan 23 Sun: The family meets at M’s place for breakfast. Why? Because apparently G’s were missing the M’s and vice versa.

PHEW! Now you know why I titled the Blog stories “Marry-Go-Round”. It’s just one dizzy round after the other!

It’s crazy; my life is on fast forward mode. Parents are going nuts all the time. I hear nothing but wedding talks left, right, center. Me and Boxer haven’t spent a single Sunday together without any “marriage related” or “house related” chore to do. Every conversation begins and ends with “What did your parents say about this? What did your parents say about that?” No time for the cozy walks or the lovey dovey talks. The “I love you’s” are reduced to quick “love u’s”. Parents wanting to be peacemakers of every argument and every conversation between us. Regular exchange of dabbas with Gowda or Mudaliyars food between the families. With the arc lights on MOB, FOB, FOG and MOG now, K and Boxer are reduced to being mute spectators.

Its madness, sheer madness (you will know if you have spoken to K lately, she will chew your brain off!). And yet, in all this madness, there is so much happiness. So much happiness that words fail to describe. As Boxer says “It’s like, our families are falling in love now….” (smiles)

P.S: Wedding is 3 months from now (89 days) and many more rounds on the “marry-go-round” to go!